Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Day of many flavours....

Having a meltdown... Just sent number 2 daughter to cafe by Whitebait studios where I used to work and she got lost. 6mins by car 2.3kms according to google maps. Took her 30 mins!! and fifty nine texts as well as a shouting phone call blaming me for my poor instructions! My name well and truly sullied I fought to refrain from shouting incompetencies and instead encourage progress....I lost!

Point two contributing to my implosion is a pending lawsuit! This one is priceless....self appointed Marketing Guru purchases cheap marketing list off the internet then gets slapped by intellectual property lawyer working for their client who just happens to be Yellow Pages NZ. It seems I have to give back the next to useless purchased list and $2000+GST to boot for Yellow pages legal costs. Sounds fair. NOT!!!!

Am sharpening the knives as we speak to perform self harm.

Was a great day till about 4pm when all this stuff started happening.

Pre 4pm
Attended writing course at 10am, aboard cruising bike in the mid winter sun. Fell into an uncontrollable laughing fit with two women named Barbara during class. One was the teacher. Complete with eye wiping, shoulder trembling and spasmed breathing. Rode home collected Charity Dinner organising folder then rode to Cambridge Terrace offices through Hagley Park with earphones on drinking in the aforementioned mid winter sun some more...met co-worker and brainstormed over a glass of wine....(see the attraction?) then rode home albeit a bit wobblier two hours later. By now it was nearing 4......

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


Relationships. Can't live with em, can't live without em! Have been doing some light reading and found these following points very helpful so thought I would share.....

- humans are not logical creatures when it comes to relationships.
- the relationship is a game.
- you cannot change the past.
- do what works drop what doesn't.
- you do not NEED each other.
- you cannot control the behaviour of your partner.
- you DO NOT have to be right.
- you CAN be happy at any time.
- you do not have to work ON the relationship - you are IN the relationship.
- do not complain to anyone who cannot do anything about it, like your friends and family.
- you CAN choose what quality of your relationship you want to have.

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Still alive...

I have been shackled to the office at the sweat/spring shop allllllll day. It seems like I am a full timer again! How does one hand in her notice to her husband? May have to feign a long term ACC injury....

Back onto much more pleasant topics....Melbourne, the shopping Mecca. Five days in Melbourne beats one night in Bangkok hands down. The aforementioned incarcerator took me on a good behaviour jaunt last week where we holed up in The Olsen hotel, Art Series. Awesome digs with banging art work. Nine floors up we perched like proud cockatoos dining on room service and amused by the large plasma acutely angled in our direction reveling in the infinite thread count.

By day we scoured the streets on our suburban cruisers dressed smartly in everyday clothes eager to fill our wicker baskets with produce and products of the nation. Expertly maneuvering our way away from the tram tracks as not to topple and soil our civilian attire we snaked around the city, joining the cycle ways winding deep within the CBD.

In a bid to annoy the locals we clipped onto the back of a peloton along St Kilda waterfront and managed to draft them for a good kilometre before falling aside with laughter at our form of amusement. They were none too impressed with the two clowns on granny bikes hanging onto their tails.

All in all a great getaway....

Thursday, July 1, 2010

This is pure gold....had to be shared

This was originally shown on BBC TV back in the seventies. Ronnie
Barker could say all this without a snigger (though god knows how many
takes). Irony is that they received not one complaint. The speed of
delivery must have been too much for the whining herds. Try getting
through it without converting the spoonerisms [and not wetting your
pants] as you read …

This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion. Rindercella
worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and shivelling
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards. One was called Mary Hinge,
and the other was called Betty Swallocks; they were really forrible
huckers;they had fetty sweet and fetty swannies. The sugly isters had
tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts would not let
Rindercella go.
Suddenly there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian. She
turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage with
six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight otherwise,
there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the clock struck twelve. “Mist all chucking frighty!!!” said
Rindercella, and she ran out tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping
her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella’s door and
the sugly isters let him in. Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg
and let off a fig bart. “Who’s fust jarted??” asked the prandsome hince.
“Blame that fugly ucker over there!!” said Mary Hinge. When the
stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper on both the
sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers. This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge
halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married. The pransome hince
lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella lived hers with a
follen swanny.

....go on, wipe the tears away.